I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
