remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
