My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
