They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
