wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
