So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
