If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dicks are not precious.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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