It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
well you can't waste a boner
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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