they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
