In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
