Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
