things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
