6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
