Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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