those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
