First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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