i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
