Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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