Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Operation Purity has been aborted
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
