she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
