So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I forget how to act sober
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
