Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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