It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
