...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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