I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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