Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
