it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
