I accidentally had phone sex last night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
