I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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