I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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