Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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