I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
