I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
