You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
