I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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