and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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