She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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