listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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