no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
