I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
