i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
