So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
