I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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