Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
