you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
