Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we should paint friendship bongs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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