M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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