Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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