if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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