yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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