got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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