Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
