A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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