Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
