We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
